How to support a partner with depression

The support of family and friends can play an important role in the treatment of mental health conditions. Ways to help a partner with depression include knowing what questions to ask, learning about the condition, and more.

Depression is a condition that affects around 16 millionadults in the United States each year. Depression can take its toll on relationships and may cause loved ones to feel helpless, frustrated, or fearful.

In this article, we explore ways in which people can support a partner with depression in their journey toward recovery. Questions to ask about symptoms The support of family and friends is important in the treatment of mental health disorders.

To understand the severity of a person’s depression, it can be helpful to explore how the symptoms affect their life. Asking about symptoms also shows the person that their partner is interested in their feelings and experiences.

Useful questions to ask include: ### Can you help me understand how you are feeling? What activities do you find enjoyable right now?

Do you enjoy spending time with others? How are your energy levels?

Are you sleeping more or less than usual? Are you eating more or less than usual?

Are you able to concentrate on things right now? Do you have thoughts of death or suicide?

Questions to avoid Avoid asking questions that seem judgmental or place blame on the person with depression. They may already be blaming themselves for their symptoms, and they need support instead of further judgment.

It is also essential not to trivialize depression, which is a serious medical condition. Examples of questions to avoid include: Why can’t you just cheer up?

Don’t I make you happy? When will you feel better?

Can’t you understand that this is all in your head? Why are you making such a big deal about this?

Are you aware that others have it much worse than you? Ways to support a partner Those supporting a partner with depression may wish to: Learn about depression

Becoming educated about depression can make it easier to support those with the condition.

Learning about the symptoms often helps people recognize them in their loved ones.

Symptoms

can range from mild to severe

, and they may vary over time. However, the American Psychiatric

Association state that symptoms need to last for at least 2 weeks before a doctor can diagnose depression.

Symptoms

of depression can

include : feelings of sadness, worthlessness, or guilt loss of interest in previously enjoyable activities changes in appetite or weight changes in sleeping habits fatigue and loss of energy difficulty concentrating or making decisions thoughts of death or suicide Understand and validate their feelings It is important to listen to the person with depression and express empathy, which is the ability to understand and share someone else’s feelings. One way to demonstrate empathy is to reflect what the person says.

For example, if they say, “I just feel like things will never get better,” their partner can reflect that by saying, “It sounds as though you are not hopeful about the future.” Continually trying to cheer the person up is not helpful as this invalidates their condition and their feelings.

Phrases such as “tomorrow will be better” or “try to cheer up” do not take into account the nature of the illness. Ask them what they need from you A person can support their partner by accompanying them to their therapy sessions.

To show further understanding and support, ask the person what they need. They may need: reminders to take medication company when visiting the doctor or attending therapy home-cooked meals encouragement to socialize or exercise a hug or a hand to hold to be left alone sometimes Helpful questions to ask include: What can I do to help?

Would it be helpful if I …? Encourage treatment Depression can cause a person to lose their motivation, which can be a barrier to seeking treatment.

However, according to the National Institute of Mental Health, most people with depression need treatment to recover.

Those supporting someone with depression can play an important role in their recovery by encouraging them to seek help from a doctor or mental health professional. To inspire a partner to seek treatment, a person can try: documenting and sharing their partner’s symptoms with them sharing concerns and thoughts expressing a desire to help discussing treatment options, such as therapy, medication, and lifestyle modifications Another way to encourage treatment is to make an appointment on behalf of the person with depression, but only if they make this request.

It can also be helpful to accompany them to appointments. Provide support during recovery While recovery from depression is possible, it can be challenging at times.

To support a partner during the recovery process: help them keep track of their appointments and medications do some physical activity together most days plan and prepare healthful meals together try to reduce stressors in the home make goals small and achievable encourage them to socialize with others plan fun activities together point out the person’s progress on their journey to recovery avoid forcing treatment on the person Let them know that they are not alone by saying things such as: I am here for you. We will deal with this together.

It may also be helpful to attend a support group for family members of those with a mental health condition. Couples may also benefit from couples therapy or family-based counseling.

Accept that there will be bad days People with depression have good days and bad days. To deal with the bad days: expect that they will happen understand that this is a normal part of depression do not withdraw love or support during these times take some time out and do something enjoyable, either alone or with others remember that not every day will be like this — there will be good days too Look after yourself When a person is supporting a partner with depression, it is essential to make time to enjoy hobbies and other activities.

Caring for a partner with depression can be draining, frustrating, and frightening. Researchindicates that having a spouse with depression increases a person’s risk of developing depressive symptoms.

This risk is particularly high in cases where a man is supporting a woman with depression. Those looking after someone with a mental health condition also need to take care of their own mental health.

They can do this by: trying to stay positive having realistic expectations about the recovery process knowing that they also have a right to be heard and respected taking time out and engaging in enjoyable activities and hobbies socializing with others besides their partner asking for help from friends or relatives exercising regularly eating a healthful diet getting plenty of sleep and rest attending a support group for families of those with depression How and when to get professional support Professional treatment is an important part of the recovery process. The first step is often to see a doctor who can recommend medication, psychotherapy, or both.

For particularly severe depressive symptoms or in life-threatening situations, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency department. Warning signs of suicide People with depression may be at risk of suicide.

According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, more than half of those who die by suicide have major depression. Partners of those with depression should be aware of the warning signs of suicide so that they can take swift action if necessary.

Warning signs include: talking about death or suicide having a suicide plan preparing a means of suicide, such as collecting pills or buying a gun preparing for “when they are gone,” for example, by drawing up a will giving away belongings saying goodbye to family and friends engaging in risky or reckless behavior having extreme changes in mood or personality withdrawing socially If a person suspects that someone is at immediate risk of suicide, they should seek emergency assistance. If someone believes that a loved one is considering suicide but is not at immediate risk, they should contact that person’s doctor and seek support from other family members or a support group.

Help is out there If you or someone you know is in crisis and considering suicide or self-harm, please seek support: Call or text the 988 Lifeline at 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org. Caring counselors are available to listen and provide free and confidential support 24/7.

Text HOME to the Crisis Text Line at 741741 to connect with a volunteer crisis counselor for free and confidential support 24/7. Not in the United States?

Find a helpline in your country with Befrienders Worldwide. Call 911 or your local emergency services number if you feel safe to do so.

If you’re calling on behalf of someone else, stay with them until help arrives. You may remove weapons or substances that can cause harm if you can do so safely.

If you’re not in the same household, stay on the phone with them until help arrives.

Summary

Supporting a partner with depression, both emotionally and practically, can help them go through the recovery process. While it can be rewarding, caring for someone with a mental health condition is also challenging.

Caregivers should practice regular self-care to look after their own mental well-being.